• A friend of mine was so fed up with the train delays and cancellations that he threw himselt onto the track. Died of exposure.

    Jack Dee
  • The post office is the last bargain left on earth. For 27 pence you can send a letter anywhere in the country. People moan when the price of a stamp goes up by a penny. I think the Post Office should turn around and say, ‘Well, you fucking take it. See how far you get with your 27 pence train ticket.

    Jack Dee
  • If you are allowed to smack children you should be allowed to smack old people as well, because they are just as much of a nuisance as children, if not more.

    Jack Dee
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