We shall never be content until each man makes his own weather and keeps it to himself.
Whenever people talk to me about the weather, I always feel certain that they mean something else
Heat! It was so dreadful that I found there was nothing for it but to take off my flesh and sit in my bones.
- Ninety-two this morning, Colonel Lawrence! Ninety-two. What do you say to that? - Many happy returns of the day!
It was so hot today I went to a cash point machine just to enjoy the feel of a cold gun against the back of my neck.
I'm just scared there's going to be a major earthquake at the time I'm getting a vasectomy.
One way to help the weather make up its mind is to hang out washing.
- Is it always sunny in Jamaica? - Never at night.
In India, 'cold weather' is merely a phrase to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass doorknob and weather which only makes it mushy.
Today has been eighty degrees in the shade. I was clever. I stayed in the sun.
Better the chill blast of winter than the hot breath of a pursuing elephant.
How do the men who drive the snowplough get to work in the morning?
Our crack snow removal team has been removing snow around the clock. And now that the area around the clock is clear, they can start work on the streets.
It's so cold in New York City that flashers are just describing themselves.
I was so cold when I was in England, I almost got married.
It's so cold in New York City. Today in Central Park, I saw a squirrel salting his nuts.
It's so cold I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
The afternoon was cold as blue eyes that didn't love you any more.
The English winter - ending in July, to recommence in August.
A barometer is an ingenious instrument that indicates what kind of weather we are having.
Thank heavens, the sun has gone in, and I don't have to go out and enjoy it.
I don't like all this fresh air. I'm from I Angeles. I don't trust any air I can't see.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
Mexican weather report: Chilli today and hot tamale.
March is the month that shows people who don't drink exactly how a hangover feels.
Bad weather always looks worse through a window.
Save a boyfriend for a rainy day and another in case it doesn't.
It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles against the prevailing winds, for the opportunity to rain on a tent.
Rain is one thing the British do better than anybody else.
It is easy to understand why the most beautiful poems about England in the spring were written by poets living in Italy at the time.
It's spring in England. I missed it last year. I was in the bathroom.
Fall in New York is so pretty - watching the trash change colours.
One can always tell it's summer when one sees teachers hanging idly about the streets, looking like cannibals during a shortage of missionaries.
A few summers like this and we'll all be behaving like Italians.
What men call gallantry, and gods adultery, is much more common where the climate's sultry.
Hooray, hooray, the first of May, Outdoor fucking begins today.
It was one of those perfect summer days - the sun was shining, a gentle breeze was blowing, the birds were singing and the lawnmower was broken.
It was such a lovely day that it seemed a pity to get up.
What a beautiful day! It's the kind of day that starts with a hearty breakfast and ends with a newsreader saying, '...before turning the gun on himself'.
- Did you notice the heavy fog last night? - No, nothing wakes me.