No, I Don't Want the Fucking Extended Warranty.
One in ten Europeans is now conceived on an IKEA bed.
Everything at IKEA is self-assembly. I bought a pillow, and they gave me a duck.
Last week, I went to a furniture store to look for a decaffeinated coffee table.
Confectioners caught on that customers would happily buy a hole if it had a bit of mint around it.
I hate when they call up to check if your credit card is good. I always feel like they're talking about me. 'You won't believe what he's buying now. It's some kind of yellow thing. I don't even know what it is. Never sold one before.
The post office is the last bargain left on earth. For 27 pence you can send a letter anywhere in the country. People moan when the price of a stamp goes up by a penny. I think the Post Office should turn around and say, 'Well, you fucking take it. See how far you get with your 27 pence train ticket.
Like all antique shops it was dingy outside and dark and smelly within. I don't know why it is, but the proprietors of these establishments always seem to be cooking some sort of stew in the back room.
My husband refuses to try anything on. Even shoes. He just holds the box up to the light and says, 'Yeah, these fit fine.
Here is a useful shopping tip: you can get a pair of shoes for one pound at bowling alleys.
I found a great pair of shoes but they only had size nine, so I lied to the sales guy.
You can't have everything. I mean where would you put it?
Sunday is the day God took off from creating the world to take Mrs God around IKEA.
Is there anything more humiliating than shopping in a store you feel is beneath you and one of the customers mistakes you for an employee?
You know when you go to the supermarket you step on that rubber part and the door opens? For years I thought that was a coincidence.
People who say money can't buy happiness just don't know where to shop.
I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.
If you can afford it then there is no pleasure in buying it.
I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him fifty quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, 'No, the steaks are too high.
My son is always buying me things, but I never let him buy me furniture.
Extravagance is anything you buy that is of no earthly use to your wife.
The ad in the paper said, 'Big Sale. Last week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in.
Have you seen her among discounted cashmere? It's like the first twenty minutes of Saving Private Ryan.
I love to shop after a bad relationship. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. Sometimes when I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.
I bought some batteries, but they weren't included, so I had to buy them again.
If men liked shopping, they'd call it research.
Shopping is like sex for men too. They can only manage it for five minutes and then they get tired.
is better than sex. If you're not satisfied after shopping you can Shopping make an exchange for something you really like.
The only time a woman has a true orgasm is when she is shopping.