The best number for a dinner party is two: myself and a damn good headwaiter.
Dear Hostess, I apologize for my behaviour at your dinner party. I should never be allowed out in private.
Politeness is not speaking evil of people with whom you have just dined until you are at least a hundred yards from their house.
My wife spends dinner parties in the bedroom asleep under the guests' coats. She exhausts easily under the pressure to be interesting.
Dinner parties are given mostly in the middle classes by way of revenge.
I know the dying process begins the minute we are born, but sometimes it accelerates during dinner parties.
Celebrity party: it's eleven o'clock at night and you're watching Larry King play Twister.
It was one of those bachelor parties where all the married men had to meet at the end of the night and go, 'All right, here's what we say we did.
You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.
A hedgehog tamed to scuttle up and down the table from guest to guest makes an unusual mobile-cheese-and-pineapple-cube-nibble-dispenser at parties.
You're the only person I know who called the police to complain about their own party.
Did you ever go to a party, go in the bathroom, flush the toilet, and the water starts coming up? That is the most frightening moment in the life of a human being.
At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
No matter how many chairs you provide, guests always sit on the edge of a little table and knock sherry on the carpet.
Nothing is more irritating than not being invited to a party you wouldn't be caught dead at.
The best thing about a cocktail party is being asked to it.
At every party, there are two kinds of people - those who want to go home an those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.
Nice party. I see a lot of familiar face-lifts.