Funny Quotes About Love

From unrequited love to the throes of passion, this collection of comical quotes will have you chuckling into your morning coffee. Love must be one of the most quoted subjects but this concise collection draws together the funniest and most insightful words of wisdom in one place. So, now you can get over your ex, or chase the love of your life with the words of comedians, actors and thinkers ringing in your ears and supporting your every move.

When love congeals, it soon reveals, the faint aroma of performing seals, the double-crossing of a pair of heels. I wish I were in love again!

Lorenz Hart

Love and murder will out.

William Congreve

Love, the quest; marriage, the conquest; divorce, the inquest.

Helen Rowland

In Ireland .. you're allowed to say you love God and babies and horses that win, but anything else is a softness in the head.

Frank McCourt

The world's tragedy is that men love women, women love children, children love hamsters.

Joanna Trollope

_Everyone knows that hate is not the opposite of love. Indifference is. _Well, whatever. I don't really care.

Diane Chambers and Sam Malone, Cheers

Love is a great glue, but there's no cement like mutual hate.

Loise Wyse

Love is just chocolate subsitute.

Miranda Ingram

When we want to read the deeds that are done for love, whither do we turn? To the murder columns.

George Bernard Shaw

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song, A medley of extemporanea; And love is a thing that can never go wrong; And I am Marie of Roumania.

Dorothy Parker

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

Emo Philips

Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in a light so dim he would not have chosen a suit by it.

Maurice Chevalier

No woman is worth more than a fiver unless you're in love with her. Then she's worth all she costs you.

Somerset Maugham

The fickleness of the women I love is only equalled by the infernal constancy of the women who love me.

George Bernard Shaw

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.

H.L. Mencken

I judge how much a man cares for a woman by the space he allots her under a jointly shared umbrella.

Jimmy Cannon

I've been in love with the same woman for forty years. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me.

Henny Youngman

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.

John Barrymore

The main purpose of love is to provide a theme for novels.

Piers Paul Read

Love is loving someone no matter what their faults in a blind and unconditional way. Like the love Tony Blair has for George Bush.

Hugh Grant

People would never fall in love if they had not heard love talked about.

La Rochefoucauld

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.

Charlie Brown

Only one kind of love lasts - unrequited.

Somerset Maugham

Some guys are afraid of commitment. I was playing tennis with a man and he couldn't say, 'Thirty-love.' He kept saying, 'Thirty, I really like you but I still have to see other people.

Rita Rudner

There's a fine line between true love and a conviction for stalking.

Buzz Nutley

Ill-conceived love is like a Christmas cracker - one massively disappointing bang and the novelty soon wears off.

Edmund Blackadder, Blackadder's Christmas Carol

Everything was going great until I said, 'I love you,' then he got this look on his face like he'd taken a wrong turn in a really bad neighbourhood.

Roz Doyle, Frasier

Better to have loved a short man than never to have loved a tall.

David Chambless

When you're in love, it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life.

Richard Lewis

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question.

Lily Tomlin

Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket or a holding pattern over Philadelphia.

Judith Viorst

If I gave my heart to you ... I'd have none and you'd have two.

Paul Hogan

Adam invented love at first sight, one of the greatest labour-saving devices the world ever saw.

Josh Billings

I fall in love real quick, which can scare guys away. I'm like, 'I love you, I want to. marry you, I want to move in with you.' And they're like, 'Ma'am, just give me the ten bucks for the pizza and I'll be out of here.

Penny Wiggins

A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.

Tim Allen

You know it's love when you dream of slitting his throat

Wendy Cope

Love, like poetry is a kind of homesickness, the kind which made medieval monks sleep in their coffins.

Jennifer Stone

I would worship the ground you walk on, if only you lived in a better neighbourhood.

Billy Wilder

Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage.

Ambrose Bierce

Love can leave you reeling faster than a one-eyed cat in a fish market.

Felicia R. Lee

Love is a system for getting someone to call your darling after sex.

Julian Barnes

Love conquers all things - except poverty and toothache.

Mae West

You know you're in love when you're willing to share your cash-machine number.

Elayne Boosler

A lot of people wonder how you can tell if you're really in love. Just ask yourself this question: 'Would I mind being financially destroyed by this person?

Ronnie Shakes

My wife and I thought we were in love but it turned out to be benign.

Woody Allen

Love is that feeling you get in your guts when you see a girl across a crowded room and think, 'Wow. One day I'm going to make you the unhappiest woman alive.

Jeff Green

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