I want loyalty. I want you to kiss my ass in Macy's window at high noon and tell me it smells like roses. I want your pecker in my pocket.
You'd better beat it. You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff.
How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
-So has syphilis. Now get out!
Go, and never darken my towels again!
I've had a wonderful evening - but this wasn't it.
My piles bleed for you.
I wouldn't piss down your throat if your heart was on fire.
Would thou wert clean enough to spit upon.
I even hate the way you lick stamps.
I've had ear infections I'm fonder of.
Don't torture yourself. That's my job.
I worship the ground he's buried in.
And I hope your mother dies in a freak yachting accident.
Goodbye, and don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't.
I will make you shorter by a head.
When they circumcised you, they threw away the wrong bit.
If I found you floating in my pool, I'd punish my dog.
May you dig up your father by moonlight and make a soup out of his bones.
May your left ear wither and fall into your right pocket.
May your piles hang like a bunch of grapes.
May you live in interesting times.
I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smells of elderberries.
I'll ruin you! You'll never waitress in Torquay again!
Go take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut.
My last assistant left because I called her a cunt. Would that be a problem for you?
When you said you went to university, presumably it was to be studied by others.
But not in those exact words.
If you're going out of your mind, I suggest you pack light. It's a short trip.
May all your teeth fall out but one - to get toothaches.
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.
A hundred thousand sperm, and you were the fastest?
When you go to a mind-reader, do you get half price?
If your IQ was any lower, we'd have to water you.
You have a brain like Einstein's - dead since 1955.
I would rather eat my own scrotum.
I shan't be taking my wife with me to Paris. You don't take a sausage roll to a banquet.
I described you in terms which were positively glowing, which is exactly how I'd like to see you in hell.
If you give us any more trouble I shall visit you in the small hours and put a bat up your nightdress.
I decided that the worst thing you can call Paul Keating, quite frankly, is Paul Keating.
It's probably the worst idea since Hitler's dad said to Hitler's mum, me upstairs, Briinnhilde, I'm feeling saucy tonight.
When he said we were trying to make a fool of him, I could only murmur that the Creator had beat us to it.
Who is one cell short of an amoeba?
Unless you're served in a frosted glass, never come within four feet of my lips.
The answer is in the plural and they bounce.
What's on your mind - if you'll forgive the overstatement?
I treasure every moment that I do not see her.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
He hasn't been himself lately, so let's hope he stays that way.
buy a piece of the rope for a keepsake.
He's not unlike Hitler, but without the charm.