What did I think of Titanic? I'd rather have been on it.
Picador and leave.
Jean Cocteau's The Seashell and the Clergyman is apparently meaningless, but if it has any meaning it is doubtless objectionable.
They only got two things right in Lawrence of Arabia: the camels and the sand.
A gorilla in boxing gloves wielding a pair of garden shears could have done a better job of editing The Boyfriend.
Table for Five would be an ideal movie to watch on a plane; at least they provide free sick bags.
There's a scene in Thunderball when I'm in the shower and James Bond walks in. I say, 'Pass me something to slip on.' And he passes me my slippers.
I'm a big fan of the movie Das Boot, or as we call it in English, The Boot.
Charlton Heston's performance as a doctor made me want to call out, 'Is there an apple in the house?
Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets and then teams up with three strangers to kill again.
To criticize Hurry Sundown would be like tripping a dwarf.
Wanna know what the summer's blockbuster is going to be? See who McDonald's does the marketing tie-in with. Wanna know what blockbuster will do disappointing business? See who Burger King ties in with.
Mary Poppins is unsupercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
The only problem I have with film festivals are the films.
A film so dire it would have difficulty in winning a prize at the Berlin Film Festival.
Critics get hate mail from people when they reveal too much about the endings of thrillers. Here is the ending of all thrillers: the bad guy gets killed.
I wouldn't say when you've seen one Western you've seen the lot. But when you've seen the lot you get the feeling you've seen one.
Night watchmen in horror movies have a life expectancy of twelve seconds.
All movie bartenders, when first seen, are wiping the inside of a glass with a rag.
In any war movie, never share a foxhole with a character who carries a photo of his sweetheart.
Good movies rarely contain a hot-air balloon.
What do you have when you've got an agent buried up to his neck in the sand? Not enough sand.
It was a cute picture. They used the basic story of Wuthering Heightsand worked in surf riders.
My boyfriend won't see anything he calls a 'chick flick'. That's any film the woman talks.
Most horror films are certainly that.
I never go to movies where the hero's bust is bigger than the heroine's.
Heaven's Gate is the most scandalous cinematic waste I have ever seen, and remember, I've seen Paint Your Wagon.
They say the movies should be more like life. I think life should be more like the movies.
My favourite conspiracy theory is 'Oliver Stone's Titanic'. It shows a second iceberg.
Show business is dog-eat-dog. It's worse than that. It's dog-doesn't-return-other-dog's-phone-calls.
Schmoozing is important in Hollywood. It's harder for someone to screw you if they've had dinner at your house.
Popcorn is the last area of movie business where good taste is still a concern.
In Hollywood, children don't wear masks on Halloween. Instead, they usually dress up as agents, valet parkers, or second-unit directors.
My agent gets ten per cent of everything I get, except my blinding headaches.
Shakespeare wrote, 'Kill all the lawyers.' That was before agents.
I do not fuck the star. That's a primary rule of mine on a picture. The stand-in, maybe.
I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87.
What do I look for in a good script? Days off.
I was once sent a script combining Wuthering Heights and Jane Eyre, cunningly titled, 'Jane Heights'.
If my books had been any worse, I should not have been invited to Hollywood, and if they had been any better, I should not have come.
Did you hear about the starlet so dumb that she slept with the writer?
Tell me, how did you love my picture?
My agent said to me, 'In Hollywood, there is a yes list and a no list, and you aren't even on the no list.
Life in the movie business is like the beginning of a new love affair - it's full of surprises and you're constantly getting fucked.
My films are more appreciated in France than they are back home in America. The subtitles must he incredibly good.
I don't like magic, because I try to figure out how it's done, and I get frustrated. Just like porn videos.
After the first ten minutes watching a porn film, I want to go home and screw. After the first twenty minutes, I never want to screw again as long as I live.
I'm making a Jewish porno movie, it's 10 per cent sex, 90 per cent guilt.
What could be better than to star in a porn film? It's sex and a pay cheque.
American films usually involve a car chase whereas European films usually involve a small boy and a bicycle.
The most important part in filmmaking is played by the writers. We must do everything in our power to keep them from finding out.
The British Film Industry is just a bunch of people in London who can't get green cards.
I've told my wife, if I ever need cardiac surgery, get me the heart of a movie mogul. It's never been used.
Most movie moguls couldn't produce a urine sample.
Movie directors are people too short to become actors.
An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with the producer.
Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can get fired by someone wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.
I've spent several years in Hollywood, and I still think the movie heroes are in the audience.
Strip away the phoney tinsel of Hollywood and you find the real tinsel underneath.
- You know who runs Hollywood? - The Jews? - No, the gay Jews.
Half the people in Hollywood are dying to be discovered and the other half are afraid they will be.
Film is a collaborative art: bend over.
You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
Hollywood is a trip through a sewer in a glass-bottomed boat.
Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
Hollywood is a place where they shoot too many pictures and not enough actors.