Funny Quotes About Funeral

Best funny quotes about funeral

I hadn't been there since her poor husband's death. I never saw a woman so altered; she looks quite 20 years younger.

Oscar Wilde

My husband, Norm, is no longer with us. I often go to the cemetery and buff up his obelisk.

Dame Edna Everage

I know a woman who had her husband cremated and then mixed his ashes with grass and smoked him. She said it was the best he'd made her feel in years.

Maureen Murphy

I want to be buried in Kilbarrack. It's the healthiest graveyard in Ireland being near the see.

Brendan Behan

I told my wife I want to be cremated. She's planning a barbecue.

Rodney Dangerfield

Where would I like my ashes scattered? I don't know. Surprise me.

Bob Hope

Did you see the crowds at the Harry Cohn's funeral? It proves what they always say: give the public what they want to see, and they'll come out for it.

Red Skelton

The reason so many people showed up at Louis B. Mayer's funeral was because they wanted to make sure he was dead.

Samuel Goldwyn

They say such lovely things about people at their funerals, it's a shame I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

Bob Monkhouse

I used to hate weddings - all those old dears poking me in the stomach and saying 'You're next.' But they stopped all that when I started doing the same to them at funerals.

Gail Flynn

Memorial services are the cocktail parties of the geriatric set.

John Gieldgud

There's nothing like a morning funeral for sharpening the appetite for lunch.

Arthur Marshall


James Joyce

I'm just not someone who cries. It's not in my nature. When my wife's uncle died, I had to shut my hand in the car door just to make a decent showing at the funeral.

Niles Crane, Frasier

If you don't go to other men's funerals, they won't go to yours.

Clarence Day

The last funeral I went to had people in the front pew that I wouldn't have to my funeral over my dead body.

Spike Milligan

One of the crying needs of time is for a suitable Burial Service for the admittedly damned.

H.L. Mencken

He was a great patriot, a humanitarian, a loyal friend - provided of course he really is dead.


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