Funny Quotes About Diet

Best funny quotes about diet

Nobody's last words have been, 'I wish I'd eaten more rice cakes.'

Amy Krouse Rosenthal

Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

Mark Twain

I'm on a great diet. You drink beer, you get drunk, you pass out, you don't eat for two days.

Drew Carey

Look! I'm using the original notches that came with my belt.

Homer Simpson

I am on two diets at the moment because you simply don't get enough to eat on one.

Jo Brand

There is only one way to look thin - hang out with fat people.


I'm on new diet - Viagra and prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.

Rodney Dangerfield

No matter what diet you are on. you can usually eat as much as you want of anything you don't like.

Walter Slezak

You know you're on a diet when cat food commercials make you hungry.

Andy Bumatai

I feel about diets the way I feel about airplanes. They're wonderful things for other people to go on.

Jean Kerr

I'm on a seafood diet. I see food an I eat it.

Les Dawson

I don't have beer belly. It's a Burgundy belly and it cost me a lot of money.

Charles Clarke

I'm on this amazing new diet. You can eat whatever you want, whenever you want, and as much as you want. You don't lose any weight, but it's very easy to stick to.

George Tricker

Nothing in the world arouse more false hopes than the first four hours of a diet.

Nora Ephron

She's very bitter. She lost all that weight and turns out, show doesn't have a pretty face after all.

Mindy Kovac

I'm on this great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked fat people.

Ed Bluestone

I've been on this vegetarian diet for three weeks now, and never have my houseplants looked so good to me.

Daniel Lybra

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Dave Barry

Food that contains no calories: frozen food; food you eat standing up; food licked off knives and spoons; late night snacks.

Lewis Grizzard

Liquid diets: the powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.

Art Buchwald

I've been on the Slim-Fast diet. For breakfast, you have a shake. For lunch, you have a shake. For dinner, you kill anyone with food on their plate.

Rosie O'Donnel

I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost three days already.

Tommy Cooper

I want to lose ten pounds. I just don't know if I should start power-walking or smoking.

Lisa Goich

What would be easier? Losing 40 pounds by strict dieting and exercise or gaining 60 pounds to qualify for gastric bypass?

Nancy Casurella

Fat people are brilliant in bed. If i'm sitting on top of you, are you going to argue?

Jo Brand

I asked the sales assistant in the clothing store if she had anything to make me look thinner, and she said, 'How about a week in Ethiopia?'


I'm anorexic really. Anorexic people look in the mirror and think they look fat. And so do I.

Jo Brand

Oh, Loneliness and cheeseburgers are a deadly combination.

Phil Harrison

You know you're getting fat when you can pinch an inch on your forehead.

John Mendoza

On the charts of obese patients, doctors in hospital write the code 'DTS' which stands for 'Danger to Shipping.'

Doctor Phil Hammond

A 20-stone woman with buckling ankles smelt as if something had died in her creases.

A.A. Gill

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said 'Thyroid problems?'

Pete Kay

When my mother-in-low hangs out here bra on the line to dry, we lose an hour of daylight

Les Dawson

She was so huge she had three skinny ladies orbiting her.

Bobby Collins

If here bum was a bungalow, she'd never get a mortgage on it.

Victoria Wood

I got stuck in the revolving doors of the hotel, and the porter, trying to be helpful, says, 'Try backing out sideways. Honey, I say, I ain't got no sideways.'

Bernice Rubens

She had a gigantic rear end. It looked like she was shoplifting throw pillows.

Frasier Crane

I went to the 30th reunion of my preschool. I didn't want to go, because i've put on like a hundred pounds.

Wendy Liebman

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