Nobody's last words have been, 'I wish I'd eaten more rice cakes.'
Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
I'm on a great diet. You drink beer, you get drunk, you pass out, you don't eat for two days.
Look! I'm using the original notches that came with my belt.
I am on two diets at the moment because you simply don't get enough to eat on one.
There is only one way to look thin - hang out with fat people.
I'm on new diet - Viagra and prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
No matter what diet you are on. you can usually eat as much as you want of anything you don't like.
You know you're on a diet when cat food commercials make you hungry.
I feel about diets the way I feel about airplanes. They're wonderful things for other people to go on.
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food an I eat it.
I don't have beer belly. It's a Burgundy belly and it cost me a lot of money.
I'm on this amazing new diet. You can eat whatever you want, whenever you want, and as much as you want. You don't lose any weight, but it's very easy to stick to.
Nothing in the world arouse more false hopes than the first four hours of a diet.
She's very bitter. She lost all that weight and turns out, show doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm on this great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked fat people.
I've been on this vegetarian diet for three weeks now, and never have my houseplants looked so good to me.
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.
Food that contains no calories: frozen food; food you eat standing up; food licked off knives and spoons; late night snacks.
Liquid diets: the powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
I've been on the Slim-Fast diet. For breakfast, you have a shake. For lunch, you have a shake. For dinner, you kill anyone with food on their plate.
I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost three days already.
I want to lose ten pounds. I just don't know if I should start power-walking or smoking.
What would be easier? Losing 40 pounds by strict dieting and exercise or gaining 60 pounds to qualify for gastric bypass?
Fat people are brilliant in bed. If i'm sitting on top of you, are you going to argue?
I asked the sales assistant in the clothing store if she had anything to make me look thinner, and she said, 'How about a week in Ethiopia?'
I'm anorexic really. Anorexic people look in the mirror and think they look fat. And so do I.
Oh, Loneliness and cheeseburgers are a deadly combination.
You know you're getting fat when you can pinch an inch on your forehead.
On the charts of obese patients, doctors in hospital write the code 'DTS' which stands for 'Danger to Shipping.'
A 20-stone woman with buckling ankles smelt as if something had died in her creases.
I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said 'Thyroid problems?'
When my mother-in-low hangs out here bra on the line to dry, we lose an hour of daylight
She was so huge she had three skinny ladies orbiting her.
If here bum was a bungalow, she'd never get a mortgage on it.
I got stuck in the revolving doors of the hotel, and the porter, trying to be helpful, says, 'Try backing out sideways. Honey, I say, I ain't got no sideways.'
She had a gigantic rear end. It looked like she was shoplifting throw pillows.
I went to the 30th reunion of my preschool. I didn't want to go, because i've put on like a hundred pounds.