Funny Quotes About Art

Best funny quotes about art

Art is art, isn't it? And water is water and east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like apple-sauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.

Groucho Marx

If you have a burning restless urge to paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.

Fran Lebowitz

The true artist will let his wife starve, his children go barefoot, his mother drudge for his living at seventy, sooner than work at anything but his art.

George Bernard Shaw

An amateur is an artist who supports himself with outside jobs which enable him to paint. A professional is someone whose wife works to enable him to paint.

Ben Shahn

What is an artist? For every thousand people there's nine hundred doing the work, ninety doing well, nine doing good, and one lucky bastard who's the artist.

Tom Stoppard

He had the great traditional stimulant to the industry of an artist - laziness and debt.

John Mortimer

Multi-images of Marilyn Monroe are now as dated as hula-hoops. Where does that leave Warhor's art? On the wall, is the unfortunate answer.

Kenneth McLeish

A sculpture is just a drawing you fall over in the dark.

Al Hirschfield

Sculpture: mud pies which endure.

Cyril Connolly

One should either be a work of art, or wear a work of art.

Oscar Wilde

Henry Moore's sculpture in Hyde Park looks like something that's fallen off a jumbo jet.

Laura Milligan

The only way I'd find a waxwork museum interesting is if it was set on fire.

Daniel Liebert

I went to a museum where they have all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.

Steven Wright

Visiting museums bastardizes the personality, just as hobnobbing with priests makes you lose your faith.

Maurice Vlaminck

How often my soul visits the National Gallery, and how seldom I go there myself.

Logan Pearsall Smith

Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise man to be able to sell it.

Samuel Butler

If a painting can be forged well enough to fool experts, why is the original so valuable?

George Carlin

Rembrandt painted 700 pictures. Of these 3,000 are in existence.

Wilhelm Bode

I inherited a painting and a violin, which turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt made awful violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter.

Tommy Cooper

Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves they have a better idea.

John Ciardi

It's amazing that you can win the Turner Prize with an E in A-Level art, a twisted imagination and a chainsaw.

Damien Hirst

He was our greatest living painter, until he died.

Mark Twain

Who among us has not gazed at a painting of Jackson Pollock's and thought, 'What a piece of crap'?

Rob Long

This is either a forgery or a damn clever original.

Frank Sullivan

Jeff Koon's work is the last bit of methane left in the intestine of the dead cow that is post-modernism.

Robert Hughes

The more you look at modern art exhibits, the more everything begins to look like an exhibit, including the attendant's chair and the fire extinguisher.

Brian Sewell

- For two days' labour, you ask two hundred guineas? - No, I ask it for the knowledge of a lifetime.

James McNeill Whistler

Turner's painting The Slave Ship looks like a tortoiseshell cat having a fit in a plate of tomatoes.

Mark Twain

The naked truth about me is to the naked truth about Salvador Dali as an old ukulele in the attic is to a piano in a tree, and I mean a piano with breasts.

James Thurber

I doubt that art needed Ruskin any more than a moving train needs one of its passengers to shove it.

Tom Stoppard

If the old masters had labelled their fruit, one wouldn't be so likely to mistake pears for turnips.

Mark Twain

Whistler, with all his faults, was never guilty of writing a line of poetry.

Oscar Wilde

I hate flowers. I paint them because they're cheaper than models and they don't move.

Georgia O'Keefe

I simply refuse to countenance paintings that do not have at least a horse, gladioli or a canal in them.

Dylan Moran

Every time I paint a portrait, I lose a friend.

John Singer Sargent

There are three kinds of people in the world: those who can't stand Picasso, those who can't stand Raphael, and those who have never heard of either.

John White

Dada wouldn't buy me a Bauhaus.

Joan Sloan

Art, like morality, consists in drawing the line somewhere.

G.K. Chesterton

Art is anything you can get away with.

Marshall McLuhan

There is no more sombre enemy of art than the pram in the hall.

Cyril Connolly

The day is coming when a single carrot, freshly observed, will spark off a revolution.

Paul Cezanne

Did you hear about the ship that ran aground carrying a cargo of red and black paints? The entire crew was marooned.

William Bishop

There is something wrong with a work of art if it can be understood by a policeman.

Patrick Kavanagh

Van Gogh would have sold more than one painting if he'd put tigers in them.

Tom Hobbes

- I like Chagall. It feels like how being in love should be - floating through a dark blue sky. - With a goat playing the violin.

Anna Scott and William Thacker, Notting Hill

I do not paint a portrait to look like the subject, rather does the person grow to look like his portrait.

Salvador Dali

In a good portrait, the eyes follow you around the room.

Peter Cook

Oh, I wish I could draw. I'd give my right arm to be able to draw.

Alan Ayckbourn

There are only two styles of portrait painting; the serious and the smirk.

Charles Dickens

A portrait is a picture in which there is something wrong with the mouth.

Eugene Speicher

When having my portrait painted I don't want justice, I want mercy.

Billy Hughes

Graham Sutherland's portrait of me makes me look as if I was having a difficult stool.

Winston Churchill

I would never have taken up painting if women did not have breasts.

Pierre Auguste Renoir

When their backsides look good enough to slap, there's nothing more to do.

Peter Paul Rubens

Michaelangelo's David? Now there's a guy who works out.

Graham Norton

Bring my umbrella - I am going to see John Constable's pictures.

Henry Fuseli

A picture is worth a thousand words - particularly if you can't read.

Harry Hershfield

They couldn't find the artist so they hung the picture.

Frank Zappa

I couldn't have that painting hanging in my home. It would be like living with a gas leak.

Dame Edith Evans

How Botticellian! How Fra Angelican!

W.S. Gilbert

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