Funny Quotes About Women

Never let it be said that women can’t handle a bit of banter. This page of funny quotes about women proves they’re just as happy to take some good-natured mockery on the chin as they are to dish it out to the menfolk. In fact, many of the quotes are written by women themselves, joking about stereotypes such as clothes, hair and spider phobias. You can share individual quotes on Facebook or Twitter and there’s plenty of material that’s worth a click.

The trouble with women is that they never put the toilet seat back up.

Simon Nye

Women needs only two tools in life: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it move and shouldn't, use the tape.

Nicola Zweig

Now that a women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking.

Bill Vaughan

She was one of those women who go through life demanding to see the manager.

George Patrick

A women could never be President. A candidate must be 35 or over, and where are you going to find a woman who will admit she's over 35?

E. W. Howe

Show me a woman who doesn't feel guilty and I'll show you a man.

Erica Jong

There is no bigger fan of the opposite sex than me, and I have the bills to prove it.

Alan J. Lerner

The most important things to a Southern girl are God, family and hair almost never in that order.

Lucinda Eberole

Women, can't live with them, can't bury theme in the back yard without the neighbours seeing.

Sean Williams

Intuition is the strange instinct that tells a woman she is right, weather she is not.

Oscar Wilde

The only reason they say ‘women and children first’ is to test the strength of the lifeboats.

Jean Kerr

I'd rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, wear cute clothes, and they're first to be rescued off sinking ships.

Gilda Radner

If women ran the world, there would be not wars, just intense negotiations every twenty-eight days.

Robin Williams

I thought I had PMS, but my doctor said, I've got good new and bad news. The good news is, you don't have PMS. The bad news is, you're a bitch.

Rhonda Bates

Next Mood Swing: 6 minutes.

Slogan on T-shirt

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month I can be myself.


You don't know a woman until you've met here in court.

Norman Mailer

I love women, though I couldn't eat a whole one. But I think I know where I'd start.

Jonathan Ross

The great and almost only comfort about being a woman is that one can always pretend to be more stupid than one is and no one is surprised.

Freya Stark

A women is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.

Nancy Regan

One of the great mysteries to me about women is the fact that they can pour hot wax on their legs, rip the hair out by the roots, and still be afraid of a spider.

Jerry Seinfeld

Good created women because sheep can't type.

Kenneth Armbrister

We have a saying in Russia: 'Women are like buses.' That's it.

Yakov Smirnoff

I never panic when I get lost. I just change where it is I want to go.

Rita Rudner

Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at theme, but I wouldn't want to own one.

W.C Fields

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