Funny Quotes About Weather

Best funny quotes about weather

We shall never be content until each man makes his own weather and keeps it to himself.

Jerome K. Jerome

Whenever people talk to me about the weather, I always feel certain that they mean something else

Oscar Wilde

Heat! It was so dreadful that I found there was nothing for it but to take off my flesh and sit in my bones.

Sydney Smith

- Ninety-two this morning, Colonel Lawrence! Ninety-two. What do you say to that? - Many happy returns of the day!

T.E. Lawrence

It was so hot today I went to a cash point machine just to enjoy the feel of a cold gun against the back of my neck.

David Letterman

I'm just scared there's going to be a major earthquake at the time I'm getting a vasectomy.

Bob Saget

One way to help the weather make up its mind is to hang out washing.

Marcelene Cox

- Is it always sunny in Jamaica? - Never at night.

Noel Coward

In India, 'cold weather' is merely a phrase to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass doorknob and weather which only makes it mushy.

Mark Twain

Today has been eighty degrees in the shade. I was clever. I stayed in the sun.

Tommy Cooper

Better the chill blast of winter than the hot breath of a pursuing elephant.

Chinese proverb

How do the men who drive the snowplough get to work in the morning?

Steven Wright

Our crack snow removal team has been removing snow around the clock. And now that the area around the clock is clear, they can start work on the streets.

Adam Cochran

It's so cold in New York City that flashers are just describing themselves.

David Letterman

I was so cold when I was in England, I almost got married.

Shelley Winters

It's so cold in New York City. Today in Central Park, I saw a squirrel salting his nuts.

David Letterman

It's so cold I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

Bob Hope

The afternoon was cold as blue eyes that didn't love you any more.

Kinky Friedman

The English winter - ending in July, to recommence in August.

Lord Byron

A barometer is an ingenious instrument that indicates what kind of weather we are having.

Ambrose Bierce

Thank heavens, the sun has gone in, and I don't have to go out and enjoy it.

Logan Pearsall Smith

I don't like all this fresh air. I'm from I Angeles. I don't trust any air I can't see.

Bob Hope

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

George Carlin

Mexican weather report: Chilli today and hot tamale.

Paul Rodriguez

March is the month that shows people who don't drink exactly how a hangover feels.

Garrison Keillor

Bad weather always looks worse through a window.

John Kieran

Save a boyfriend for a rainy day and another in case it doesn't.

Mae West

It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles against the prevailing winds, for the opportunity to rain on a tent.

Dave Barry

Rain is one thing the British do better than anybody else.

Marilyn French

It is easy to understand why the most beautiful poems about England in the spring were written by poets living in Italy at the time.

Philip Dunne

It's spring in England. I missed it last year. I was in the bathroom.

Michael Flanders

Fall in New York is so pretty - watching the trash change colours.

Billiam Coronel

One can always tell it's summer when one sees teachers hanging idly about the streets, looking like cannibals during a shortage of missionaries.

Robertson Davies

A few summers like this and we'll all be behaving like Italians.

John Mortimer

What men call gallantry, and gods adultery, is much more common where the climate's sultry.

Lord Byron

Hooray, hooray, the first of May, Outdoor fucking begins today.

American folk rhyme

It was one of those perfect summer days - the sun was shining, a gentle breeze was blowing, the birds were singing and the lawnmower was broken.

James Dent

It was such a lovely day that it seemed a pity to get up.

Somerset Maugham

What a beautiful day! It's the kind of day that starts with a hearty breakfast and ends with a newsreader saying, '...before turning the gun on himself'.

Dan Conner, Roseanne

- Did you notice the heavy fog last night? - No, nothing wakes me.

Morecambe and Wise

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