Funny Quotes About Shopping

Best funny quotes about shopping

No, I Don't Want the Fucking Extended Warranty.

Slogan on T-shirt

One in ten Europeans is now conceived on an IKEA bed.

BBC news website

Everything at IKEA is self-assembly. I bought a pillow, and they gave me a duck.

Todd Glass

Last week, I went to a furniture store to look for a decaffeinated coffee table.

Steven Wright

Confectioners caught on that customers would happily buy a hole if it had a bit of mint around it.

Frank Muir

I hate when they call up to check if your credit card is good. I always feel like they're talking about me. 'You won't believe what he's buying now. It's some kind of yellow thing. I don't even know what it is. Never sold one before.

Jerry Seinfeld

The post office is the last bargain left on earth. For 27 pence you can send a letter anywhere in the country. People moan when the price of a stamp goes up by a penny. I think the Post Office should turn around and say, 'Well, you fucking take it. See how far you get with your 27 pence train ticket.

Jack Dee

Like all antique shops it was dingy outside and dark and smelly within. I don't know why it is, but the proprietors of these establishments always seem to be cooking some sort of stew in the back room.

P.G. Wodehouse

My husband refuses to try anything on. Even shoes. He just holds the box up to the light and says, 'Yeah, these fit fine.

Rita Rudner

Here is a useful shopping tip: you can get a pair of shoes for one pound at bowling alleys.

Al Clethen

I found a great pair of shoes but they only had size nine, so I lied to the sales guy.

Jonathan Katz

You can't have everything. I mean where would you put it?

Steven Wright

Sunday is the day God took off from creating the world to take Mrs God around IKEA.

Jeff Green

Is there anything more humiliating than shopping in a store you feel is beneath you and one of the customers mistakes you for an employee?

Dennis Miller

You know when you go to the supermarket you step on that rubber part and the door opens? For years I thought that was a coincidence.

Richard Jeni

People who say money can't buy happiness just don't know where to shop.

Tara Palmer- Tornkinson

I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.

Mitch Hedberg

If you can afford it then there is no pleasure in buying it.

Wallis Simpson

I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him fifty quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, 'No, the steaks are too high.

Tommy Cooper

My son is always buying me things, but I never let him buy me furniture.

Sheila, mother of Elton John

Extravagance is anything you buy that is of no earthly use to your wife.

Franklin Adams

The ad in the paper said, 'Big Sale. Last week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in.

Yakov Smirnoff

Have you seen her among discounted cashmere? It's like the first twenty minutes of Saving Private Ryan.

Will Truman, Will and Grace

I love to shop after a bad relationship. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. Sometimes when I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.

Rita Rudner

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included, so I had to buy them again.

Steven Wright

If men liked shopping, they'd call it research.

Cynthia Nelms

Shopping is like sex for men too. They can only manage it for five minutes and then they get tired.

Jeff Green

is better than sex. If you're not satisfied after shopping you can Shopping make an exchange for something you really like.

Adrienne Gusoff

The only time a woman has a true orgasm is when she is shopping.

Joan Rivers

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