Funny Quotes About Life


Best funny quotes about life

In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular.

Kathleen Norries

My wife and I took out life insurance police on one another, so now it's just a waiting game.

Bill Dwyer

Don't worry about the world ending today: it's already tomorrow in Australia.

Steven Wright

Yesterday was the first day of the rest of your life and you messed it up again.

Patrick Murray

The meaning of life is that it stops.

Franz Kafka

I hope life isn't big joke, because I don't get it.

Bob Monkhouse

Some people go to India to find the mystery of life. I'm still trying to figure out how to start my car.

Rodney Dangerfield

My only regret in life is that I'm not someone else.

Woody Allen

If I had my life to live over, I don't think I'd have the strength.

Flip Wilson

When life hands you lemons, make lemonade, pee in it, and serve it to the people that piss you off.

Jack Handey

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

Scott Adams

When I hear someone sigh, 'Life is hard' I'm always tempted to ask, 'Compered to what'?

Sydney Harris

Life is like a dog-sled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never varies.

Lewis Grizzard

Life is stepping down a step or sitting in a chair - and it isn't there.

Ogden Nash

Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends upon what you put in.

Tom Lehrer

Life is a rollercoaster. Eat a light lunch.

David Schmaltz

Life is a bitch, and the you marry one.

Anon

Life is generally something that happens elsewhere.

Alan Bennett

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.

Johnny Carson

It may be that your sole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.

Anon

Nothing in life ever looks as good as it does on the seed packet.

Kinky Friedman

Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.

Anon

Some mornings, it is just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

Emo Philips

I read The Times each morning and if my name does not appear in the obituaries, I go on to enjoy the day.

Noel Coward

That's the trouble with life - crap dialogue and bad lighting

Elizabeth Taylor

Life is a sexually transmitted disease and the morality rate is one hundred per cent.

R.D. Laing

Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.

Fran Lebowitz

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.

Dave Barry

Life is a cement trampoline.

Harold Nordberg

Ducking for apples. Change one letter and it's the story of my life.

Dorothy Parker

Life is full of misery, loneliness, unhappiness and suffering, and it's over much too soon.

Woody Allen

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