Funny Quotes About Hollywood

Best funny quotes about hollywood

What did I think of Titanic? I'd rather have been on it.

Miles Kruger

Picador and leave.

Christopher Tookey on Matador

Jean Cocteau's The Seashell and the Clergyman is apparently meaningless, but if it has any meaning it is doubtless objectionable.

British Board Film Censor

They only got two things right in Lawrence of Arabia: the camels and the sand.

Lowell Thomas

A gorilla in boxing gloves wielding a pair of garden shears could have done a better job of editing The Boyfriend.

Ken Russell

Table for Five would be an ideal movie to watch on a plane; at least they provide free sick bags.

Simon Rose

There's a scene in Thunderball when I'm in the shower and James Bond walks in. I say, 'Pass me something to slip on.' And he passes me my slippers.

Luciana Paluzzi

I'm a big fan of the movie Das Boot, or as we call it in English, The Boot.

Mike Myers

Charlton Heston's performance as a doctor made me want to call out, 'Is there an apple in the house?

C.A. Lejeune

Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets and then teams up with three strangers to kill again.

Review of The Wizard of Oz for Christian website

To criticize Hurry Sundown would be like tripping a dwarf.

Wilfred Sheed

Wanna know what the summer's blockbuster is going to be? See who McDonald's does the marketing tie-in with. Wanna know what blockbuster will do disappointing business? See who Burger King ties in with.

Dawson E. Rambo

Mary Poppins is unsupercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

Gilbert Adair

The only problem I have with film festivals are the films.

Duane Byrge

A film so dire it would have difficulty in winning a prize at the Berlin Film Festival.

Jed Larson

Critics get hate mail from people when they reveal too much about the endings of thrillers. Here is the ending of all thrillers: the bad guy gets killed.

Rich Elias

I wouldn't say when you've seen one Western you've seen the lot. But when you've seen the lot you get the feeling you've seen one.

Katharine Whitehorn

Night watchmen in horror movies have a life expectancy of twelve seconds.

Sam Waas

All movie bartenders, when first seen, are wiping the inside of a glass with a rag.

David W. Smith

In any war movie, never share a foxhole with a character who carries a photo of his sweetheart.

Del Close

Good movies rarely contain a hot-air balloon.

John Snell

What do you have when you've got an agent buried up to his neck in the sand? Not enough sand.

Pat Williams

It was a cute picture. They used the basic story of Wuthering Heightsand worked in surf riders.

Neil Simon

My boyfriend won't see anything he calls a 'chick flick'. That's any film the woman talks.

Maura Kennedy

Most horror films are certainly that.

Brendan Francis

I never go to movies where the hero's bust is bigger than the heroine's.

Grouch Marx

Heaven's Gate is the most scandalous cinematic waste I have ever seen, and remember, I've seen Paint Your Wagon.

Roger Ebert

They say the movies should be more like life. I think life should be more like the movies.

Myrna Loy

My favourite conspiracy theory is 'Oliver Stone's Titanic'. It shows a second iceberg.

James Cameron

Show business is dog-eat-dog. It's worse than that. It's dog-doesn't-return-other-dog's-phone-calls.

Woody Allen

Schmoozing is important in Hollywood. It's harder for someone to screw you if they've had dinner at your house.

Sue Mengers

Popcorn is the last area of movie business where good taste is still a concern.

Mike Barfield

In Hollywood, children don't wear masks on Halloween. Instead, they usually dress up as agents, valet parkers, or second-unit directors.

Ellen DeGeneres

My agent gets ten per cent of everything I get, except my blinding headaches.

Fred Allen

Shakespeare wrote, 'Kill all the lawyers.' That was before agents.

Robin Williams

I do not fuck the star. That's a primary rule of mine on a picture. The stand-in, maybe.

Billy Wilder

I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87.

Steve Martin

What do I look for in a good script? Days off.

Robert Mitchum

I was once sent a script combining Wuthering Heights and Jane Eyre, cunningly titled, 'Jane Heights'.

Cameron Mackintosh

If my books had been any worse, I should not have been invited to Hollywood, and if they had been any better, I should not have come.

Raymond Chandler

Did you hear about the starlet so dumb that she slept with the writer?

Producer's joke

Tell me, how did you love my picture?

Samuel Goldwyn

My agent said to me, 'In Hollywood, there is a yes list and a no list, and you aren't even on the no list.

Alan Rudolph

Life in the movie business is like the beginning of a new love affair - it's full of surprises and you're constantly getting fucked.

David Niamet

My films are more appreciated in France than they are back home in America. The subtitles must he incredibly good.

Woody Allen

I don't like magic, because I try to figure out how it's done, and I get frustrated. Just like porn videos.

Garry Shandling

After the first ten minutes watching a porn film, I want to go home and screw. After the first twenty minutes, I never want to screw again as long as I live.

Erica Jong

I'm making a Jewish porno movie, it's 10 per cent sex, 90 per cent guilt.

Henny Youngman

What could be better than to star in a porn film? It's sex and a pay cheque.

Linda LaHughes, Gimme, Gimme, Gimme

American films usually involve a car chase whereas European films usually involve a small boy and a bicycle.

Boyd Farrow

The most important part in filmmaking is played by the writers. We must do everything in our power to keep them from finding out.

Irving Thalberg

The British Film Industry is just a bunch of people in London who can't get green cards.

Alan Parker

I've told my wife, if I ever need cardiac surgery, get me the heart of a movie mogul. It's never been used.

Jack Columbo

Most movie moguls couldn't produce a urine sample.

Kathy Lette

Movie directors are people too short to become actors.

Josh Greenfield

An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with the producer.

Fred Allen

Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can get fired by someone wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.

Steve Martin

I've spent several years in Hollywood, and I still think the movie heroes are in the audience.

Wilson Mizner

Strip away the phoney tinsel of Hollywood and you find the real tinsel underneath.

Oscar Levant

- You know who runs Hollywood? - The Jews? - No, the gay Jews.

Hollywood joke

Half the people in Hollywood are dying to be discovered and the other half are afraid they will be.

Ethel Barrymore

Film is a collaborative art: bend over.

David Mamet

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.

Fred Allen

Hollywood is a trip through a sewer in a glass-bottomed boat.

Wilson Mizner

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

Fred Allen

Hollywood is a place where they shoot too many pictures and not enough actors.

Walter Winchell

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