Funny Quotes About Exercise

It’s that time of year when everyone hits the gym with a vengeance and puts themselves through miserable mealtimes of limp salads and plates of steamed vegetables. Many people only stick to their diets for a few weeks before reembracing the carbs and the beer belly. But those that persevere can take a little inspiration from these funny quotes about exercise.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors all got together and said, 'If we're going to charge ten dollars an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'.

Rita Rudner

There are only two types of exercises in Hollywood - jogging and helping a divorced friend move.

Robert Wagner

Go jogging? What, and get hit by a meteor?

Robert Benchley

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

Joan Rivers

The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again.

Erma Bombeck

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.

Ellen DeGeneres

The doctor asked me if I ever got breathless after exercising. I said no, never, because I never exercise.

John Mortimer

Exercises? I tremble and shake for hours every morning.

W.C Fields

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Fred Allen

I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.

Carol Leifer

I takes six month to get in shape and two weeks to get out of shape. As soon as you know this, you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this.

Rita Rudner

I get out of breath playing chess.

Billy Connolly

My favourite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

Caroline Rhea

I bought all those celebrity exercise videos. I love to sit and eat cookies and watch them.

Dolly Parton

When purchasing exercise equipment, make sure it is of sturdy construction and that there is enough space to hang all your wet washing on it.

Jeff Green

My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit down.

Phyllis Diller

I often take exercises. Why only yesterday, I had breakfast in bed.

Oscar Wilde

I exercise every morning without fail. Up down! Up down! And then the other eyelid.

Anthony Hopkins

My mother-in-law had to stop skipping for exercise. It registered seven on the Richter scale.

Les Dawson

Married people don't need to exercise, because our attitude is, 'They've seen us naked already - and they like it.'

Carol Montgomery

Sure, I'll continue to work out - until I get married.

Tom Arnold

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.


Pump iron? Niels, you've never even pumped your own gas.

Frasier Crane

I keep fit. Every morning, I do a hundred laps of any Olympic-sized swimming pool - in a small motor launch.

Peter Cook

My favourite exercise is walking a block and half to buy fudge. Then I call a cab to get me home. There's never a need to overdo anything.

Ellen DeGeneres

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

Joan Rivers

As a nation, we are dedicated to keeping physically fit - and parking as close to the stadium as possible.

Bill Vaugham

Do I lift weights? Sure. Every time I stand up.

Dolly Parton

My favourite health club is the International House of Pancakes, because no matter what you wight, there will always be someone who weights 150 pounds more than you.

Lewis Black

I paid four hundred bucks to join a health club last year. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently, you have to show up.

Rich Ceisler

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