Gimme, Gimme, Gimme puts the 'h' into sitcom.
Analysing humour is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested, and the frog dies.
The secret of all comedy writing is: write Jewish and cast Gentile.
If Racine knew any jokes, he kept them to himself.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else.
Bob Hope was a slave-driver with his gag writers. You'd be in the bathroom and he'd shout through, 'Hope you're using the paper in there. You gotta pen?
The reason angels can fly is that they take themselves lightly.
When people ask me where I get my ideas from I say, 'A little man in Swindon. But I don't know where he gets them from.
laugh at them in our turn?
You wouldn't get away with that if my scriptwriter was here.
- Chico brought gonorrhoea to the Vaudeville circuit.
to be amused.
He's not laughing at you. He's laughing with me, who is laughing at you.
The first thing a comedian does ongetting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his buttons.
The difference between English and American humour is $150 a minute.
California? You can't write comedy in California. It's not depressing enough.
Tragedy is when I have a hangnail. Comedy is when I accidentally walk into an open sewer and die.
Practically anything you say will seem amusing if you're on all fours.
If you tell a joke in the forest but nobody laughs, is it still a joke?
I don't make jokes; I just watch the government and report the facts.
still point at aeroplanes.
Stand-up comedy is still the last refuge of the bitter alcoholic.
I've seen him entertain fifty times and I've always enjoyed his joke.
Everybody laughed when I first told them I wanted to he a comedian - well, they're not laughing now.
In Chicago, a clown was arrested for exposing himself. It was the first time anyone ever laughed at him.
A rich man's joke is always funny.
I'm naturally funny. Sometimes I walk down the street and people just burst out laughing.
The producer said, 'How are you feeling?' I said, 'I'm feeling a bit funny.' He said, 'Well, get out there before it wears off.