Funny Quotes About Cheating

Best funny quotes about cheating

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Sacha Guitry

There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn't stand for that.

Steve Martin

Adultery is the application of democracy to love.

H.L. Mencken

You know, of course, that the Tasmanians, who never committed adultery, are now extinct.

Somerset Maugham

I don't believe in extra-marital relationships. I think people should mate for life, like pigeons and Catholics.

Woody Allen

I would never be unfaithful to my wife for the simple reason that I love my house too much.

Bob Monkhouse

My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home from work one day and found us in bed together.

Lenny Bruce

Robert Benchley and I shared an office that was so tiny, if it were an inch smaller it would have been adultery.

Dorothy Parker

I've respected your husband for many years, and what's good enough for him is good enough for me.

Groucho Marx

It's easier to shoot your wife than to have to shoot a different man every week.

Pete Grahame

My wife met me at the door wearing a see-through negligée. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.

Rodney Dangerfield

The world is full of people who are ready to think the worst when they see a man sneaking out of the wrong bedroom in the middle of the night.

Slappy White

The man who marries his mistress creates a vacancy in that position.

James Goldsmith

One husband said he could always tell when his wife was having an affair because the poetry books were suddenly at the horizontal on top of the shelves.

Jilly Cooper

I'm sure Mick Jagger will find someone else to be unfaithful to soon.

Jerry Hall

I think my husband is having an affair with his secretary, because I would find lipstick on his shirt, covered with white-out.

Wendy Liebman

I discovered my wife in bed with another man and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two.

Emo Philips

Eighty per cent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

Jackie Mason

- And you've spent enough in me to float one.

King Edward VII and Lillie Langtry

The worst thing about having a mistress is those two dinners you have to eat.

Oscar Levant

I wouldn't trust my husband with a young woman for five minutes, and he's been dead for twenty-five years.

Kathleen Behan

Husbands are like fires. They go out when unattended.

Zsa Zsa Gabor

The only way to keep your dick under control is to cut it off. Unfortunately I don't have my nail scissors with me.

Tanya Laslett, Footballers' Wives

They kept mistresses of such dowdiness they might almost have been mistaken for wives.

Robertson Davies

I can't believe this - both my boyfriends are cheating on me!

Lucy Wilde

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