Funny Quotes About Books

Best funny quotes about books

Many thanks for your book. I shall waste no time in reading it.

Benjamin Franklin

I read part of it all the way through.

Sam Goldwyn

This is not a book to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Dorothy Parker

And it is that word 'hummy', my darlings, that marks the first place in The House at Pooh Corner at which Tonstant Weader fwowed up.

Dorothy Parker

really a wonderful novel.

Ramona Koval

The Far Pavilions is one of those big, fat paperbacks, intended to while away a monsoon or two, which, if thrown with a good overarm action, will bring a water buffalo to its knees.

Nancy Banks-Smith

written by a rabbit.

Craig Brown

Jack Kerouac? That's not writing, that's typing.

Truman Capote

frightfully good that I've never bothered to read another.

Nancy Mitford

I never read a book before reviewing it; it prejudices a man so.

Sydney Smith

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

T.S. Eliot

Jane Austen's books are absent from this library. Just that one omission alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it.

Mark Twain

There is nothing so rare as a Woollcott first edition except perhaps a Woollcott second edition.

Franklin P. Adams

Most jazz books possess all the charm and wit of manuals on the construction of gas-cooled nuclear generators.

Clive Davis

Henry Kissinger may be a great writer, but anyone who finishes his book is definitely a great reader.

Walter Isaacson

Why pay a dollar for a bookmark? Use the dollar as a bookmark.

Fred Stoller

Have you ever struggled through one of Salman Rushdie's books to the end? Neither have I and neither, I bet, did the Ayatollah.

Boris Johnson

Last time I went to Portugal I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels.I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.

Bob Monkhouse

From the moment I picked up your book until the moment I put it down I could not stop laughing. Someday I hope to read it.

Mark Twain

Agatha Christie has given more pleasure in bed than any other woman.

Nancy Banks-Smith

an editor.

Tim Foote

Lord of the Rings is simply unreadable, and for me that always sort of spoils a book.

Will Cuppy

Oh fuck! Not another elf.

Hugo Dyson, editor, on a J.R.R. Tolkien manuscript

I am the kind of writer that people think other people are reading.

V.S. Naipaul

The first porn book I wrote, I called, House of Leather. I published it under the name of the headmaster who threw me out of prep school.

Fran Lebowitz

I just got out of hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.

Steven Wright

I took a speed-reading course, and read War and Peace in 20 minutes. It's about Russia.

Woody Allen

To write a diary every day is like returning to one's own vomit.

Enoch Powell

It's the good girls keep diaries. The bad girls never have the time.

Tallulah Bankhead

Keep a diary and someday it'll keep you.

Mae West

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train.

Oscar Wilde

Once I read her diary. I was twenty pages in before I realized it wasn't a Sidney Sheldon novel.

Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls

My favourite book, movie and food is Fried Green Tomatoes.

Jane Radcliffe

I remember my first diary entry: '1st January 1937. Hung about.

John Julius Norwich

perhaps seem more interesting when it is written down.

Adrian Mole

I never read the life of an important person without discovering that he knew more and could do more than I could ever hope to know or to do in half a dozen lifetimes.

J.B. Priestley

Every great man nowadays has his disciples, and it is always Judas who writes the biography.

Oscar Wilde

I'm a minor player in my own life story.

Tony Wilson

they were about as reliable as his hairpieces.

Sheridan Morley

Next to the writer of real estate advertisements, the autobiographer is the most suspect of prose artists.

Donal Henahan

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

Steven Wright

not in alphabetical order.

Frank Tyger

What's another word for thesaurus?

Steven Wright

An encyclopaedia is a system for collecting dust in alphabetical order.

Mike Barfield

My favourite quotation is eight pounds ten for a second-hand suit.

Spike Milligan

I'm bringing out a book for the building trade called The Dictionary of Ludicrous Quotations.

Barry Cryer

Never judge a book by its movie.

J.W. Eagan

I've just been reading the dictionary. Turns out the zebra did it.

Steven Wright

and you're right back at the beginning.

Jerry Seinfeld

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries.

Milton Berle

I do a lot of reading about serial killers, mostly How To books.


There is no tribe of human beings more pestiferous than the people who insist on lending you books whether you wish to borrow them or not.

Robert Lynd

Rare volume: a returned book.

Harry Herschelovitzer

lend me a bookcase.

Henny Youngman

one you want to read is always out.

Tom Masson

A man who has not read Homer is like a man who has not seen the ocean. There is a great object of which he has no idea.

Walter Bagehot

Paradise Lost is a book that, once put down, is very hard to pick up again.

Samuel Johnson

often think they have.

Alan Bennett

wants to read.

Mark Twain

A man came to my door and said, `I'd like to read your gas meter.' I said, `Whatever happened to the classics?

Emo Philips

All literature is a footnote to Faust. I have no idea what I mean by that.

Woody Allen

children. Life is the other way round.

David Lodge

as the heavy petting of literature.

Fran Lebowitz

we couldn't read it.

Jimmy Carr

A book reads the better which is your own, and has been so long known to us, that we know the topography of its blots, and dog's ears, and can trace the dirt in it to having read it at tea with buttered muffins.

Charles Lamb

It's not easy having dyslexia. Last week I went to a toga party as a goat.

Arthur Smith

- I'm just thick. At least now I have a name for it.

Jack Dee

I like a thin book because it will steady a table; a leather volume because it will strop a razor; and a heavy book because it can be thrown at a cat.

Mark Twain

them or read a single word.

Sydney Smith

`I have 20,000 books,' Jeremy Beadle boasted, which is rather like learning that Stephen Hawking has 20,000 pairs of trainers.

Victor Lewis-Smith

People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading.

Logan Pearsall Smith

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