• The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you’ve got millions of pals out there. Type in, ‘Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire,’ and the computer will say, ‘Specify type of goat.

    Richard Jeni
  • The difference between Charles Manson and every woman I’ve dated is that Manson had the decency to look like a nut the first time you meet him.

    Richard Jeni
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