You’re at home you’re on the phone, you’re in the car you’re makin’ calls, you get to work, ‘Any messages for me?’ You’ve got to give people a chance to miss you a little hit.
Jerry Seinfeld
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My garage’s motto seems to be, ‘If it ain’t broke, we’ll break it.
Jerry Seinfeld -
Do they need tinted windows in limousines? You see a limo go by, you know it’s either a rich guy or fifty prom kids with a couple of dollars each.
Jerry Seinfeld -
I have a problem with the strip that runs along the bottom of programmes. Do you want me to watch the show, or do you want me to read the strip? Don’t these idiots who run the networks know we don’t want to read? That’s why we’re watching TV.
Jerry Seinfeld -
Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
Jerry Seinfeld -
The worst words in the English language are, ‘We have to talk.’ Either that or, ‘Whose bra is this?
Jerry Seinfeld -
It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
Jerry Seinfeld -
and you’re right back at the beginning.
Jerry Seinfeld -
I hate when they call up to check if your credit card is good. I always feel like they’re talking about me. ‘You won’t believe what he’s buying now. It’s some kind of yellow thing. I don’t even know what it is. Never sold one before.
Jerry Seinfeld -
Did you ever go to a party, go in the bathroom, flush the toilet, and the water starts coming up? That is the most frightening moment in the life of a human being.
Jerry Seinfeld