The truth is that our race survived ignorance; it is our scientific genius that will do us in.
Stephen Vizinczey
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The most useful and least expensive household repair tool is the telephone.
Wes Smith -
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Wes Smith -
Modern science was conceived largely as an answer to the servant problem.
Fran Lebowitz -
If Sigismund Unbuckle had taken a walk in 1426 and met Wat Tyler, the Peasants’ Revolt would never have happened and the motor car would not have been invented until 2026, which would have meant that all the oil could have been used for lamps, thus saving the electric light bulb and the whale, and nobody would have caught Moby Dick or Billy Budd.
Mike Harding -
50 per cent of the public don’t actually know what the term 50 per cent means.
Patricia Hewitt -
A newspaper has come out with a new survey. Apparently, three out of four people make up 75 per cent of the population.
David Letterman -
There are two kinds of statistics: the kind you look up, and the kind you make up.
Bob Mortimer -
Statistics are figures that prove the best time to buy anything was last year.
Jack Benny -
He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lampposts – for support rather than illumination.
Andrew Lang