I married a few people I shouldn’t have, but haven’t we all?
Mamie Van Doren
Funny quotes about marriage
Whether you’re in a state of wedded bliss or feel like you’re tied to a ball and chain, you’ll probably find something on this page of funny quotes about marriage to make you chuckle. There’s also a great deal of material here for best man speeches – or wait a few years and you might be able to use them at a divorce party.
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When a divorced man marries a divorced woman, four get into bed.
The Talmud -
I think every woman’s entitled to a middle husband she can forget.
Adela Rogers St Johns -
I’ve been married eight times. My marriage licence reads, ‘To Whom it May Concern.
Mickey Rooney -
I’d only marry again if I found a man who had 15 million dollars, would sign over half of it to me before marriage, and guarantee he’d be dead within a year.
Bette Davis -
I got married again last year because my first wife died in a wishing well.
Tony Gerrard -
I had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.
Bob Monkhouse -
Taking advice about marriage from Elizabeth Taylor is like taking sailing lessons from the captain of the Titanic.
Joan Rivers -
The first time you buy a house you see how pretty the paint is and buy it. The second time you look to see if the basement has termites. It’s the same with men.
Lupe Velez -
I remember my brother once saying, ‘I’d like to marry Elizabeth Taylor,’ and my father said, ‘Don’t worry son, your turn will come.
Spike Milligan