I’m moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes…
Steven Wright
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If it wasn’t for Venetian blinds, it would be curtains for all of us.
Eric Morecambe -
In painting a ceiling, a good rule of thumb is that there should be at least as much paint on the ceiling as on your hair.
P.J. O'Rourke -
It takes only four men to wallpaper a house, but you have to slice them thinly.
Jo Brand -
The house was full of dry rot. The only reason the building still stood was that the woodworm obligingly held hands.
Daphne Du Maurier -
The most popular labour-saving device today is still money.
Joey Adams -
You can tell a man isn’t handy when he asks the man next door how to get blood off a saw.
Milton Berle -
My husband and I save pounds each year on household wear and tear by living in a tent in our garden.
Ivy Stokes -
I used to live in a house that ran on static electricity. If you wanted to cook, you had to pull off a sweater real quick.
Steven Wright -
It was a swell house, with all the modern inconveniences.
Mark Twain