What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? Their balls are just for decoration.
Graham Norton
Funny quotes about Christmas
If it all feels overrated and overindulgent, try out some of these funny Christmas quotes to ease your festive anxiety and help you through the celebrations. From witty quips by Graham Norton and Woody Allen to bah humbug observations from Bernard Manning, you can cheer yourself up during the season of goodwill with these laugh-out- loud quotes.
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Do we have to keep talking about religion? It’s Christmas!
Danielle Chase -
I feel sorry for Jesus. It’s always tough when your birthday’s Christmas Day.
David Corrado -
My worst Christmas? One Christmas morning, I woke up, I ran into the living room and my mother said, ‘I just forgot.’
Rob Burton -
I never believed in Santa Clause because I knew no white dude would come into my neighbourhood after dark.
Dick Gregory -
Christmas was awful when I was a kid, because I believed in Sant Clause. Unfortunately, so did my parents.
Charlie Viracola -
Christmas at my house is always more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone is seeing only one Sant Clause, we’re seeing six or seven.
W.C Fields -
– We’re going to have a baby. That’s my Christmas present to you.
– All I need was a tie.
Woody Allen -
Last Christmas, in my stocking there was an Odour-Eater.
Rodney Dangerfield -
I never know what to give my father for Christmas. I gave him $100 and said, ‘Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.’ So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
Rita Rudner